I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize