would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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