We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
