I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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