One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
