1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
