That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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