we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
