Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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