stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
