her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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