AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
