I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
