I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
