My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
