It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
4 words: hood of his car
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
