Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize