I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
