well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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