Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
