remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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