..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You smell like stripper and shame
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
