shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
