Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
