today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
