I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
