You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My vagina is very pro this idea
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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