i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
