I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
