it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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