Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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