conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
