What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
