He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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