my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
