im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
