Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
