my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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