Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
