My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what day is it and did you see me today?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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