Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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