Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've blown a few things in my day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
