So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
