Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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