it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
