the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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