Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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