I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
