No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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