Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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