do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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