i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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