fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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