sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
