im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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