david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
