If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize