If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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