OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
