32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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