i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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