I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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