I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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