I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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