perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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