i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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