No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize