Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
