the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
