I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
