the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
