I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
