i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
