He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
