I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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