Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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