He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
