i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
