While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize