i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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