Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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