the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have already put on my inside pants.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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