Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
