Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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