Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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