Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
