is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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