Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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