Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
