Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
