youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
