There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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