There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
