I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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