You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
