Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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