At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
