You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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