i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When are your genitals available?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
