I wannas sexs uuuuu
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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