I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
