After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
