i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
