and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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